Mappy July
In this letter:
New on MappyEverAfter: The one where we road-tripped New Zealand
Experiment: The safe word is Pickle or 30 Days of No Negativity
Travel: Grand Hyatt San Diego gives surprising freebies
Health: Few people escape trauma of one sort or another. If talk therapy is not working for you, read ‘The Body Keeps the Score’
Money: We use Wealthfront to split our money into categories, earn 1.4% interest, and invest in stocks. All in one account
Eat: Make Gremolata, an easy, zesty Italian herb sauce to give any dish a zing
Watch: Britcom ‘Gavin and Stacey’
New on MappyEverAfter.com
One year, in the pre-Covid world, we decided to chase summer around the world. In February, at the peak of New Zealand’s warmest season, we landed at the top of the North Island, rented a car, and made our way to the bottom of the South Island. We were on a tight budget but still managed to have a grand old time and visit our dear friends to boot. Here’s Part 1: Car-camping New Zealand's North Island
30 days of No Negativity
Mark and I are into 30-day experiments. This one is a repeat in hopes that it would stick this time. The rules, for each party, are:
If it’s not positive or neutral, don’t say it
If you say something negative, I can call you on it by using the word PICKLE in a sentence
You now need to say something positive about the very thing you just “pickled” about
You can’t tell me what to do either. If I want your advice, I’ll ask for it.
If you think of yourself as a pretty upbeat, glass-half-full kind of person, just try this little experiment for a few days. You’ll be surprised how many times a day you open your mouth and something bitchy comes out or how long it takes for you to notice it. Also, anything that could easily, in your head, be finished with “you idiot” (as in “Why did you leave the water running you idiot?), counts as a pickle. Now you have to say something positive, either about the thing, like - We’re so lucky to have clean, running water in the house. Or about the “offender” - You are so good at turning off the lights.
We’re just a week in and it’s a total pickle factory. This is what it looks like in practice:
-That movie sucked.
-Why, was it about pickles?
-Well, it had a really hot actor in it.
or
-Your shit is all over the floor!
-Hmmm, were there any pickles there?
-No, no pickles. And I like how you organize your sock drawer.
This doesn’t mean I can’t voice my opinion. If I don’t like a movie, I can say: “I have enjoyed many movies more.” If I don’t like stuff on the ground, I can say: “I’d really like a clear floor.”
There are times when we so delight in bitching that we only catch ourselves ten minutes in. Then we try to back up and remember each instance in the conversation that needs a “reversal”, which can be funny all in itself.
Finding a positive way to say things requires effort so you have to be mindful not to suppress your feelings out of pure laziness.
It’s all about teaching the brain to look for the good stuff first, since, historically, it is our nature to scan for threats and danger (aka negativity).
Grand Hyatt Manchester in San Diego
We took a little road trip to Southern California to see friends and family after this long social famine due to Covid. We also had a free night certificate at Hyatt category 4 hotel, so we picked Grand Hyatt Manchester in San Diego. If you’re lucky enough to have a free night, 15000 Hyatt points, or $250 - $1050 (per night) burning a hole in your pocket, this one is a good pick.
And if you got the Chase Sapphire card I recommended in Mappy May letter, you can book 5 completely free nights, parking and resort fee included.
It sits right on the San Diego bay, has gorgeous views, two pools, club lounge (that you have access to if you have a Globalist status or pay extra for a Club Room) with free buffet breakfast, dinner, and snacks throughout the day, a bar on 40th floor with floor to ceiling windows and good cocktails, and lots of free stuff (see below). We took advantage of the yacht harbor tour and $10 off cocktails.
An excellent book on healing trauma - Bessel van der Kolk’s ‘The Body Keeps the Score’
1 in 5 of us are, so the statistics say, traumatized. There is an assortment of causes. Some are obvious, like war, rape, accidents, and loss of a loved one, and some are less so, like being restrained by a nurse as a child to get a vaccine, moving often and being yanked out of school mid-term, the thing that our parents called discipline might’ve actually been abuse, having caregivers that failed to make us feel safe and loved and instead we felt betrayed and alone, being ridiculed, demeaned, ignored or having an emotionally or physically abusive spouse. As a result, we might feel numb, disconnected, agitated, fearful, or suffer from mysterious pains and maladies.
We seek medical help. The doctors either say they see nothing wrong or give us a diagnosis that makes no sense given our lifestyle. A big percentage of complaints people see a doctor for have no clear explanation.
Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, in his book ‘The Body Keeps The Score’, says that trauma (in childhood or otherwise) can affect our mental and bodily health unless we do something about it. And there’s plenty to do, and very little of it involves classical talk therapy. Trauma is stuck in the body, so from the body it needs to be released.
If you’re familiar with Peter Levine (of Somatic Experiencing), Richard Schwartz (of Internal Family Systems), Gabor Mate (of Compassionate Inquiry for drug addiction), Rick Doblin (of Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies), and Stanislav Grof (of Holotropic Breathing and anything and everything else), they are all mentioned in the book, along with people and therapies you’ve never heard of.
The book is a collection of methods that are proven to work, interwoven with some fascinating (and sometimes shocking) stories. It also talks about yoga, massage, dance, and even theatre (acting, not watching) as being immensely helpful. You can just read (or listen, I got the audiobook from the library), pick whatever modality appeals, learn more about it and try it out.
If you have kids or grandkids, it also tells you how to not screw them up.
Wealthfront (USA only) for splitting your money into buckets and investing
A lot of financial “gurus” say that if you want to master your money, you need to split it every month into different categories. You need to tell your money where to go instead of wondering where it went. Long-term savings, Bungee jumping in New Zealand, Cottage in the woods, monthly fun fund… but do you really want to have 12 different bank accounts? When I searched for a bank that allows this splitting under one roof, I found Wealthfront, which is lucky, because I’ve had an account with them for years without knowing about this feature.
Wealthfront is a Robo-advisor and checking/savings account in one. The Cash Account is not only free, but it pays a nice interest (1.4% at the moment). At the beginning of the month I split our income into 9 buckets (they call them Categories) and at the end of the month, I pay our bills from there.
There’s nothing particularly special about the Investment account. Mine kept up with the market performance for the last 6 years so it’s relatively simple to replicate the results with a regular, free brokerage firm (I use Robinhood and E-trade).
If you can’t be arsed with picking stocks and do want a set-it-and-forget-it investing account, the annual “advisory fee” is 0.25%, unless you use a referral link like this one, in which case your first 5k is managed for free. I got referred and I also referred someone, so I get 10k managed for free. You can do the same.
When life gives you lemons (and parsley), make Gremolata
Have you ever heard of Gremolata? Me neither. At least not until Mark’s uncle gave us a bunch of beautiful lemons from his garden. I squeezed the juice into ice-cube trays for later use and started googling how to use the zest. That’s how I found it.
Gremolata is either an herb mix (fresh parsley, lemon zest, and pressed garlic) or a sauce (the same but with olive oil and a bit of lemon juice). I made a whole bunch of the latter and used it on eggs, avocado toast, fish, chicken, sprinkled on a salad, bowl of hummus, and steamed veggies. It’s so fresh and zingy, it makes everything taste better.
Here’s the saucy recipe and the dry one is the same, sans oil and lemon juice.
Watch ‘Gavin and Stacey’
It’s been around for a while but it’s so damn funny, naughty, and lovable that we keep going back to it Three series plus a couple of Christmas specials, all with James Corden, Ruth Jones, Joanna Page, Mathew Horne, and co.
So there you have it. Hope you’re having an excellent July.
And remember: At the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling.
Be Mappy,
Mags